Yolk Joke: Constipated

Proctologist

ViSA part 2

ViSA

Naked (part 2)

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Bestest Ever!!

Poopy Eggs

Baby Eggs part 3

Baby Eggs part 2

Baby Eggs

Pee

Paper or Plastic pt 2

Paper or Plastic

Poopy Bear

Hung

So Cute!!!

Suggestions

Performing

4 Please part 2

4 Please!!

Trouble

Verbal Diarrhea

Faggot

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Hear Me?!

Suck

Push

QD Eggs

Saggy

Ziggy

QD Bathrooms

Speaker

fatty

Fantasy

Hacked Part 2

Hacked

Queer Duck Costume

Married

Space

Replacement

Cloned

Queer Duck Game

Queer F***

Turkey Time

Queer Bee

No Fat Chicks

Jail

Crappy

Vacation

For Recreational Use Only

Kill

Humpty Dumpty

Big Boy

No Eating

Jealous

Meet The Parents

Attack

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Frosty

Elephant

Eggs

Contraband

Story Time

Dinner

Late

Death

Therapy

Chatroom

Resume

Dream

Not My Type

Costume

Instructions

Yabba Dabba Doo

Conquer

Coffee

Clay

Cat

Birthday

Babies

Diversity

5 Years

Fly

One Dozen

Awake From Easter - Finally

I think I have finally awoken from my drunken debauchery from Easter weekend. I'm am not really one to celebrate holidays, but as you know, I'm a duck and this is my weekend, or partially so... since everyone seems to enjoy the bunny so much more. But where the hell do you think those eggs come from. Bunnies don't actually lay those things regardless of what the Cadbury commercials tell you.

Easter weekend can still be a pretty difficult day to outlive, I get many comments about why I haven't visited so-and-so's house. Normally I play along and just say I was off sick, or my assistant is running behind. But this year I got one particularly rude man come up to me demanding that I give him chocolate right on the spot. After trying to ignore him, and he still insisted, I lost my cool.

"Hey Duck, where's my chocolate"
"I don't have any sorry"
"I want my chocolate"
"Well, I'm sorry, as I said I don't have any"
"I want my fucking chocolate you bastard, you didn't even come to my house this year"
"Well, as you may know that's the Easter Bunny's job, not mine, I'm a duck"
"Your related, bunnies, duckies, and chocolate go together"
"It's impossible for a duck and bunny to be related"
"Just give me my chocolate"
"I am a male duck"
"So"
"Male ducks don't lay chocolate eggs"
"Me want CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE RAWR RAWR RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
I think at this point he banged on his chest and his head twisted 360 degrees.
"Listen you fucking retard mongoloid, go back to Lollipop Lane with the happy little bunnies and rape them of their chocolate, because the I am not employed by the Peter Rabbit Bunnytail Chocolate Association. If I were, I'd be sure to blacklist you from any subsequent chocolate deliveries and ban you from their restaurants where you can never relish in another chocolate delicacy. If you ask me for any fucking chocolate again I am going to rip off your face and dance around the fire, in the nude I might add, and dip your skinless face in molten chocolate so you can lick your lips for the rest of your life and taste your very own ignorance that ducks don't supply chocolate!!!"
My over the top speech created a scene at this point and people were gathered around. The rude guy stood there for a moment, quite stunned. I figured at this point it would be best to leave. As I turned around he said it.
"So, ducky, I know you don't have chocolate, but do you have any eggs?"
I smiled, reached around my ass and dropped a deuce into my hand.
"Here"
I dropped a pile of warm duck droppings into his greedy hands and walked away.

Trans-mammal

My duck toy (see below) is in the wash. So since I was feeling a bit peckish I decided to roam the streets for some soul searching. Or love, however you see it.
Normally I walk, but the weather was cold and my nuts had a habit of hiding in my ribcage in these cold climates.
There were many pretty ducklings walking up and down the street. Those mini skirts, mini shoes, and mini shirts, I had to admit, they were pretty brave to be that bold in this weather.

There she was, standing on the corner, feathers all fluffed and white. She was puffing on a cigarette, twisting her hair within her fingers. The snow was falling around her like soft apple blossoms that you see in early spring. My pants instantly got tighter, and I knew she was going to be mine for the night.
I pulled up close to her and I unlocked my door so she could slide into my warm car.

"Hi " she gleamed
"Hi There"
"Are you looking for fun tonight"
"I sure am"
"Great, I'm Samantha" she smiled perfect teeth. She was young, clean, and had great teeth. This had to mean she was new in the business and probably running away from a rich controlling daddy.
"I'm John"
"John?"
"Yes"
"Haha, how appropriate"
"It is" I drove off to find some privacy, of course the name was fake and so was hers, this would be an agreement between two consenting adults, so who gave a shit at this point?
"So are you new to this... y'know, this whole thing?"
"Ya, my friend does it so she glorified a lot of it, and she watches out for me"

I found a closed strip mall and drove into the parking lot, it was dark, empty, and full of privacy for us.
"So sweety what are you in the mood for tonight?"
"Oh I dunno, the whole thing you do I guess, the full monty haha" yeah I was a fucking dork. A horny dork.
"Okay" she rummaged in her purse to look for protection, it gave me time to take a closer look at her perfect figure and tight legs that would soon be wrapped around me. She smelled like sweet vanilla and had sparkles on her eyes. Her hair was a perfect shade of blond, and had a piece of paper sticking out of it.
"Oh hey, there's some paper stuck in you hair" I reached and pulled for it, at that moment she turned her head...
"NO don't pull that......"
It was too late, it was a wig, something of a normal occurance I guess, but she wasn't covering her "real" hair, she was covering something much much much worse. She was covering ears. Yup, she was trans-mammal.
This "duck" was once a rabbit.

Getting the ears removed is a very expensive and risky procedure to have done, few surgeons are qualified to do it, and almost all are reluctant to attempt such a feat. Normally a trans-gender mammal must live like the opposing "team" for a year before even being considered a good candidate for ear removal.

Needless to say, I went ape shit and threw the rabbit into the dead of winter. Seriously leave that shit on Rainbow Street where it's known you can pick up trans-mammal. It's not my cup of tea.

Duck Toy

Well, I took the plunge. I decided to purchase myself a love toy. I really appreciate that they (the toy craftsmen) have made the bill extra plush for rough penetration.

My only disapointment would be too much feathers around the entrance the vaginal cavity. It makes cleanup hellish. And after a good humping who in the hell wants to clean semen from a cum stuffed duck?

The Ducks Not Mine

A few years back there was a young duck who followed me around a lot and tried her damndest to get in the sack with me. Normally I am all gung-ho about the situation but she never interested me because she had some baggage on her that I didn't want to deal with. Now don't get me wrong, she didn't have kids, but, she had emotional baggage, stemming from childhood and failed relationships.
It came to a point where I had to move just to get rid of the cow.
A couple days ago I get this email:

If you can't read the text, it basically says I am an asshole for abondoning her and unborn ducklings.

It was shocking, but I didn't respond, because A: I knew she was only doing this so she could get in contact with me again and B: The Ducks Aren't Mine. She's a bloody quack.

Cock Fight

I am glad to be back home after visiting Montreal. I got the chance to meet up with an old flame and do some bar hopping at night, and girly stuff during the day, which I won't get into detail because it's just too embarrasing. But it's funny what us Ducks will do just so we can hit the hay with a chick.

Wednesday night was probably note worthy to write about here. Me and my flame did some barhopping, and decided to stay in some seedy dive, because it was too cold to go anywhere else, and cab fare is just too expensive.

After a couple of drinks my hands were warming up, the Old Flame was getting more boistrous and things were all around pretty good. Up at the front of the bar was two obnoxious cocks who were completly drunk and hitting on every chick there. It was only a matter of time before they landed in on my Old Flame. There was no way I wasn't about t go down without a fight. I had another 2 days to spend here, and she was my free room and board for the week.

I saw them look over in our direction, and stumbled over, slopping beers this way and that. They pushed me aside and chatted with my Old Flame, she smiled and chatted with them, and I stood in the aisle shocked that they had the nerve to push me out of my seat.
I told them to fuck off, and they said the same to me. I pushed both of them and one of the cocks dropped their beers. This of course, set them off. There was a cloud of feathers as we all rolled around on the ground like it was some kind of lesbian mud wrestling contest. Since both cocks were blindingly drunk it was easy to beat the shit out of the pair of them.

My Old Flame and I left the bar, leaving the two cocks lying on the floor with their beers foaming all over them. I ended up with a gash on my forhead, and some kinky egg laying sex to make my booboo go away.

I'm one horny duck!

When it comes to being horny, I'm the first to admit that I like to choke my chicken (not my cousin, my cock) to some good ducky porn. This is one of my favourite shots. I mean just look at the arch in her back!

I love riding bareback! It can be dangerous & my bitch could drown if I'm too aggressive. That's why I like to sneak up on her and slip in without a big commotion. This isn't usually hard because I'm as big as a grain of rice (fully cooked) and then I just sit back while the bitch swims. Swims to save her life really!


And after I've spread my seed, she lays a bunch of eggs and then I gotta pay child support. I normally pay with food, cause where is she really gonna use my Sears card, other than Sears of course!

Suzy

Winter is barely liveable. I keep warm by going to clubs and picking up the chicks. Last Thursday I was feeling a bit peckish. Normally I satisfy my urges by taking a quick jaunt to the grocery store and visiting the frozen food isle. The chickens there generally come pre-stuffed, and I personally prefer the chicks who have a little junk in the trunk. I had decided that brisk evening that the grocery store would not satisfy my lust for stuffing.
I went to a little hole in the ground I visit often. The chicks are fun and easy, and know me by name.

Suzy was there that night, and she wore Poultry Seasoning. It was one of my favourite scents that sent me into a masterbating frenzy. She saw me and waved and smiled her big toothy grin. She was drinking a martini, or maybe a third, judging by the way she was standing. I stepped over to her, with the combination of her smell, our past, and my jeans rubbing on my crotch, I just about jizzed in them.

"Hey Scott, how are you doing?" her speech was well controlled considering she was wobbling a bit, I knew she would still be shaggable.
"Just fine, I decided to poke my head in and say hello"
"Oh really, just to say hello?"
I smiled, had I said anything, I wasn't about to get fucked this fine eve. Suzy was a little bit slow on judgement but she ate up the shy quiet types.
"Well, Scott, since you appear to have nothing planned this evening, call us a cab and we'll have a drink at my place."
"Sounds like a great plan" I said. I turned my head away so she couldn't see my shit eating grin. This was great, no frozen entree's for me today.